Friday, June 22, 2012

Why A Man Pulls Away From A Woman?

Attraction
A little help for the ladies in this one. I'm going to reveal to you why a man pulls away from a woman and what to do to bring him close to you again. Imagine attracting a man emotionally and intellectually in such a way that he absolutely can't resist wanting to be around you.

Not only that, but imagine all the obstacles and excuses falling away. No more "I'm too busy" or "I have to work through some issues." The only thing he'll know is his desire to be with you. If you finally want to feel this secure in a relationship, then you need to check out specific ways to subtly communicate to a man the things that will trigger that intense level of attraction inside him.

You can literally have a man who wasn't totally "feeling it" for you to suddenly take notice, see and recognize the things inside you he simply didn't look for or see before. You will need to turn up the dial on the level of attraction a man feels and experiences with you on both a physical and emotional level. You may begin seeing some amazing changes in your love life right away and feel the kind of confidence and security with a man that you've never experienced before. But, it may not start off like that initially. So, how to make him think you're a good catch?

Wouldn't it be great to know for sure that your man was going to take you in his arms and let you know  without a doubt that he wants you and only you? Wouldn't it be amazing never to have to worry again that he is losing interest when he becomes distant or that you've done something wrong? It's entirely possible when you understand the reasons a man has for acting distant and what to do about it when he does.

A man will seem really excited to be with you, he'll ask you out, maybe even bring you flowers, call all the time, and then... Bang! Something shifts. He pulls back. He stops making plans like he used to and you start to feel like you did something wrong or that he doesn't like you as much any more. Doubt and insecurity creeps in.

Here's an insight about men that's fascinating and strange and that once you understand it is going to stop a lot of the pain and frustration you experience with dating and relationships. When a man gets truly close to a woman and deeply intimate for any extended period of time, he loves that feeling and wants more of it. But the strange part of this is that the moment a man experiences this period of intense closeness, he will take some space for himself. I know this sounds counter intuitive, but it's how most men work emotionally. Most guys will actually seek some amount of space to "recover". It's kind of like how after a muscle gets worked out it needs to rest before it can grow stronger and be active again. An extreme example would be a groom not showing up for his wedding.

Men can become distant even in good relationships and if you know what to do, you can keep your guy physically and emotionally engaged...even when he needs so called time to recover. There's also another reason why a man might withdraw that has nothing whatsoever to do with you. He's not living his "purpose".

It's important for a man to be clear about what he's doing in his own life and what his purpose is. A man's purpose can be anything from something as straight forward like excelling at his career or building his own company, to something more creative like starting and working a project at home or training at his favorite sport. The point is that men have goals and are engaged and focused on doing something and doing it well. A man's purpose is essential to his overall emotional and social well being. But often times, even men themselves aren't clear on what their purpose is or don't really go after their purpose and assert themselves. They can also be lost in a sense of an incomplete life.

 When a man isn't going after his own purpose, or has fallen away from it or forgotten about it, it often gets in the way of the strained relationship he's in. Men become withdrawn, restless, irritated and seem generally unengaged in life as a whole. Not forgetting, he may have parents that nag him or constantly remind him of his dream or objective or goal he had set and not done it yet. All due to you! So this added pressure, dealing with you and everyone else, causes them to take a step back.

They stop initiating plans. They stop spending as much time with people. Even their own friends. They shut the world out. Of course, they become emotionally withdrawn and distant as well. Too often men aren't conscious that this is what's happening to them and they end up pulling away from their relationship and making things even worse for themselves. This is when they often seem to go in and out of being present and
engaged in the relationship, and then completely withdrawn. 

Often women take on the problems the man is going through and try and help or even mistake his behavior to mean his feelings is about them or the relationship. So now that you know that a man's withdrawing is not automatically your fault, what can you do about it?

When you're with a man who is feeling or acting uncertain with you, trying to convince him otherwise puts you in a very dangerous and weak position for your relationship even if you give him an ultimatum that would move things ahead to the place in your relationship that you want. Why? Because he's not really making that decision based on what he wants or feels. What you really want and need is a man who is truly committed to being with you on a physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual level. Not coerced, not forced, not convinced. He needs to come to his own realization of everything.

If you're like most women, then you think sharing your feelings with a man first will somehow get him to share his feelings in return.  But this isn't how it works for a man. You can share your feelings with a man, but to expect that this will encourage him to do the same with you will only lead you to unnecessary frustration, especially if a man is already acting withdrawn. When a man acts withdrawn, that's a signal that he is undergoing his own emotional process and needs time to recharge. Once he's ready to share his feelings, he'll be back. But trying to stimulate him to do so by becoming overly emotional won't work. Most guys never experience a good relationship so they are thrown into the deep and even if they know how to swim, they feel paralyzed.

Women tend to think that if things are going well with a guy, that he will naturally want to move things forward to the next level. They'll just assume this even when the guy has never talked about the future. Woman created all these expectations about what the relationship was supposed to look like and how he was supposed to behave and when he fell short of that, she becomes disappointed and unfulfilled. This usually winds up in a confrontation that causes tension and maybe even creates more distance.

What you need to do first, before you do anything else, is get clear about what you want and expect from your love life. You need to be honest with yourself first before you can be honest with anyone else in your life. Stop pretending you only want a casual, fun fling when what you really want is to have committed, serious relationship that's going somewhere.


Now, let's get down to what's really going on when it comes to men and relationships.

Here's the thing, get clear about what you want. Guide your mind in all kinds of positive directions to help you find and attract the right situations and people in your life. Accepting a situation that is anything other than what you truly want will not only make you unhappy, it will keep you tied to a man who's not right for you. So really ask yourself what kind of relationship you want before you become involved with a man. It's OK to want what you want and to let a man know it. In fact, it's a must. And it's OK to tell a man that his behavior doesn't match with what you want.

Guys crave honest women who are up front about who they are and what they want in relationships. In a way that says that she's not too attached to the immediate outcome and subtlety lets him know that he better have his act together, or else. He suddenly sees you as "one of the guys". A buddy that he can talk to. Remember, most guys are not able to pick up on your complex girly thinking but when you keep it simple, send the message out like one of his friends...then he gets it. Simple right?

You'll not only move closer to the relationship you want, but you'll weed out the guys who can't give you that in the process. This is the critical key to inspiring a man to be close to you again. Actually allow yourself to be open and vulnerable. This is the space that you will actually receive love from your man and to do this requires that you actually take a step back so that a man can come towards you and start giving you his love and attention.  If you don't leave this space, you will keep filling the space, and he will not step forward. That means you let go of the need to control what happens next and give him the chance to adjust, call, make plans with you or initiate affection.

When you back off like this, a man will firstly be caught off guard and pleasantly surprised as he probably hasn't had this happen with a woman before. Once he gets over this, he'll realize that he actually needs less time away from you, because you're not going to hold it against him.

Remember:, a man can't read your mind, or know all that's in your heart. If you're carrying around pain or fear, it's surely getting in the way of him seeing that beautiful and real you underneath that he would want to know and love.

Bar Advice. Make it easy for him and it will change for you.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Sexual Aura

Sexual Aura
There's this really strange, mystical and invisible aura that surrounds those that are projecting their sexual side. People, both men and women, all have it but there are those that just have it a little more than others.

A lot of these unique individuals don't even realize that they are doing anything out of the ordinary. Have you ever sensed everyone looking at you when you enter a room? Most women have some sort of natural radar so to speak, that tells them a guy is paying 'extra' attention to them. There are times also where she will feel uncomfortable when someone she doesn't fancy is eying her. The one that that really gets to me sometimes is when her modesty button kicks in and she tries not to make eye contact with a guy that she knows like her but holds back too much. What's that all about? If you like someone you should indicate so. Playing hard to get can end up making you and old maid.

Guys on the other hand are totally different. Since prehistoric days women seem to be more attentive to the 'brute'. If the guy is macho and personifies a tough, strong image then he's probably going to be with a lot of girls. The women that want this sort of guy will only wish that he's got a sensitive side as well. How are they suppose to take him to see mummy if he's doesn't?

Some women like the guy a little timid because they don't like domineering guys. Some prefer chubby fellows because they feel that he won't be too attractive to other women. Guys also like women less pretty so that their chances are higher in getting her. Lot of guys also feel that someone less attractive will not have too much wants and needs. Both women and men who have trouble getting a partner are more prone to living a single life than marrying someone they are not sure about.

The thing about the sexual aura is that the individual must desire for another person to enter their life. You don't go putting on your nice clothes, combing your hair, wearing nice shoes and go out only to come home to your parents house and family dog, right? When you're putting yourself out there for the whole world to see, you got to 'want' someone to take notice. Flirt a little if necessary. Make eye contact. Your seduction success depends on a variant of factors. Flaunt what you got. Make someone take notice to the point that the other person really wants to know you better. You need to focus on your 'intention' of getting someone in your life and only than can it happen.

There are lot of individuals out there that know this little 'secret' already. They just have it and they use this sexual aura to their favour. It's easy for them to be able to get anyone they want. Some women can make men turn their heads even if the guy is walking on the street with another woman. Guys can bring out a smile from a girl on the other side of the room and flirt with her twenty feet away with her not taking her eyes off him. The power of this sexual aura can also be sensed by the same gender at that present moment. By this I mean that another woman or man can sense that energy off the person that is personifying it.

These individuals are normally envied by others because other people want that type of charisma. End of the day, some people have it and some don't. However, it doesn't mean you have none and good news is, you can pick it up just by being around others. Observe these people and you'll see that even the slightest gesture, in many cases none at all, will draw attraction towards them.

Bar Advice. Finding someone is hard enough. Getting them or just their attention is more difficult unless you desire it in your aura.

Constant Fighting With Your Partner

Constant Fighting With Your Partner
What can be the true cause of the constant fighting with your partner? Is there a value you dislike? Something they do that drives you crazy each time?  Lack of money? Comparison of past relationships keeps coming up? Ever think your personal issues may be the reason?

Your internal conflict can spill outwards and create relationship problems. A fine example is not feeling worthy of true love but wanting to be accepted.  Feeling unloved can lead people to doubt in their partner’s love towards them. Like trying to validate what is there or they are unable to accept or feel the love that their partner shows because of some unknown subconscious issues.

Basically anything their partner says or does that confirms this unfounded belief will hit them to the core and rekindle past memories that may be the main cause. Often resulting in the conclusion that their partner does not love them. It then feels totally true to them because it triggers that belief internally of being unlovable. This may not necessarily be with a previous partner. It could go back to when they were a child and witnessed disaster in their parents relationship or they were not loved like in most families.

Sadly there is a belief that if they get out of an bad relationship that they will be happy. Then later they find themselves in the same situation with someone else. This adds to their train of thought that no one cares or loves them enough or even prevents them from being with anyone again. Fact is, you cant run away from yourself and you need to see that you could be the problem. No one likes to see themselves as the issue but if more people checked themselves, less fighting will occur.  With all that in mind, remember, finding a soul mate is already hard itself.

If you examine your self defeating beliefs that are blocking your happiness things could change dramatically. Talk about the problem with your partner or get professional help even. Change your beliefs and change those that are not serving you then your relationships will begin to heal.

Bar Advice. Your partner will see a new beginning in your changed approach in the relationship and even they will change and you will see things in a different prospective in your life.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Teenage Girl Falls To Her Death

I was on Facebook when I can across the Yahoo news headline-Teenage girl falls to her death at Ang mo kio. The funny thing was, I had seen her profile before as friend of friends, but I didn't know her personally. She was a really sweet Japanese mixed Chinese girl. If you read the sad story of her suicide, as two notes were left behind, you will find it was due to a strained relationship with her boyfriend. 

http://eastasiatravel.weebly.com

Just by reading a few entries in her blog, I felt she was under pressure to be more successful in her studies and she personally  beat herself up about her failures. 

Reading more of her blog entries and that her boyfriend never liked being in photos with her and she asking if it was abnormal, says to me, the relationship seemed more one sided in the love department than meets the eye.

Any guy, in their right mind, would be proud to have this smiling beauty by their side and take as many photos she likes to post so others will know she's "taken". The yahoo news article reported she indicated in her Facebook post that most of their on/off relationship was mostly due to his controlling nature.


Let me address this. Being controlled in a relationship is like a slow disease growing that no one sees and even the one that has it happening to them, does nothing but hope it changes. Unfortunately, it mostly ends in either major heartache, pain, tears and rare tragedy, as in this case.


Being young in love, in lust, whatever, is a normal thing that happens all around the world but is it worth taking your own life to end a hurting heart? Especially when the person doing it to you just wants to make you feel worthless and small. Wake up! You are your own person. If someone else cannot appreciate you for who you are, why remain in the relationship? Obviously you got to check your own part in it all but your personality and character is what makes you unique and You! If the other has their own insecurities about their life and the relationship, then they are the ones with a problem.  


I felt sad when I looked at that cheerful face in the photo and read how Krystal Aki Mizoguchi  took her life for something that maybe she was too young to be able to handle or find advice. Her separated parents didn't help as a model of relationship success either. Perhaps even peers could not help as they too may have been in a seemingly similar dilemma or simply they were not able to give advice, let alone read the signs. Perhaps a really close friend may have know all about her worries, fears, pain and turmoil but as we all know by now...it's all too late. R.I.P Krystal!


Bar Advice. Learn from this you young people. Learn!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Advice We Get About Our Relationship

I've seen so many situations where a relationship between two people have been jeopardized by other people like family members, friends, colleagues, etc. These people, may at times be genuinely concerned but on numerous occasions they are not.

The Advice We Get  About Our Relationship can occasionally be damaging. Sometimes our best friends say bad things about the person we are with because they may have feelings of loss of your friendship or feel like someone splitting up a good team between you two. There is also, at times, jealousy involved where a friend just can't find a partner and if you are involved with someone they advise you that the person you're with isn't right for you. Some may even spread rumors or lies in hopes of breaking you up.

Office colleagues working together have a tendency to have an office romance or even sexual encounters where it is a mutual understanding, including affairs with married people. However, if someone gets attached and is in a relationship suddenly the whole dynamics change. Where a sexual friendship is suddenly interrupted, people have feelings stirred to the surface that they didn't realize was alive. This could also be anything as low key as daily flirting in the office and not actually having sex with that person but it remains the same feeling.

Being deprived access to someone because a third party has stepped in could drive some people to do ugly things and sure enough they provide all sorts of warnings and bad advice to place terror into the mind in hopes that they can invoke a break up so things can go back as it was and they look the hero.

In certain circumstances the advice about your new relationship may come from a colleague of the same gender and gives you negative remarks about the person you're with because they have a hidden agenda. In certain cases, they may be gay and attracted to you in secret so they advise you about relationship horror stories hoping you don't remain hitched and they may still have a shot even if you're not gay. Doesn't matter if you're male or female. They probably are hoping for the best or fearing the worst if you find out about their desire or orientation and that's why they do it.

On the home front, you may have to deal with older sisters or brothers and if they are married, its worse. They believe they are fit to be your adviser on matters of the heart because their monotonous life works! So, in their head, they are fit to advise you on your choice of partner and relationship matters even though the lack of romance or sex in their own relationship is up for debate.

Advice We Get  About Our Relationship
Parents on the other hand is a little tricky. They may have your best interest at heart but most of the time we never listen to them. Do we? Some mothers are concern we make an impulsive choice or be lured away by an unscrupulous person that will bring heartache and sadness. However, mom's advice although sound, is hardly in our minds when we make choices of the heart. I guess the dreaded idea of bringing home that special someone only to have a disapproving argument later on our choice is enough for anyone to have a heart attack. Just like in the movies.

Don't get too discouraged. Not all advice is bad. There are many friends and colleagues that will be happy for you, tease you along and even help you when needed. Parents too, especially mom, will be your biggest supporter and helpful adviser. So its not all doom and gloom even though there is a lot of bad advice coming from people who you should stay far away from.

Bar Advice. It boils down to your choice. No one else. Just be aware what advice you're getting, who and why they're giving it to you.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

What's the state of your relationship?




What's the state of your relationship? Yours may have romance, love and a greatly understanding partner but there's a possibility the relationship may fail. What can you do to help your relationship?

Don't nitpick, as everyone has a tendency to do this. Stop looking at their peculiar habits and this will help you to enjoy their company more. You're not your partners parent. Talk about these things.




Try discussing any issues which you may face with your partner. Solve the problem instead of dumping it, leaving then coming back to argue even further. The problem is still there, earlier or later, but later it may get worse so nip it in the bud before it escalates

People who select the wrong partner find it difficult to settle in the relationship. Weigh all the advantages and disadvantages on who will be an ideal person in your life. Changing someone to your needs or idealism can be difficult and a strain on the feelings of the heart hen things start to sour because of poor choices.

To really make things work you must accept the flaws of your partner as no one is perfect. Before you both met you were different people leading different lives and acceptance of silly, crazy and sometimes irritating things the other one does is all part of the process of the work in the state of the relationship.

Bar Advice. Do not be jealous when meeting their ex or when a person in previous relationship is mentioned. Before you became a couple other people were in your lives...remember that.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Sex All Around The House

Sex All Around The House - Book Review

We all need to spice up our lovemaking at one time or another. In fact, it's very important to the well being of your relationship! However, with so many lovemaking books out there, does Michael Webb's latest addition to his lovemaking collection size up and stand out from the crowd? Let's find out

The Oprah expert's latest book called “Sex All Around The House” takes a very different turn for ways to spice up your lovemaking. Rather than talking about positions, techniques and locations, this book focuses on how everyday household items, yes the ones already laying around your house, can be used to spice things up.

On first glance, I was a little hesitant of the idea of using things from the house. I wondered if this book could deliver. I mean how many could there possibly be? Ice, oils, candles? Come on! However, I was actually surprised by the amount of unique and wonderful things you can use, and I quote, “to get your partner's engine revving.”

Want to hear some more? Get frisky in a sleeping bag, fun and challenging! Wear nothing but an apron to cook a meal and surprise your partner. A great turn-on, especially for men. Play a sexy game using an MP3 player where you each have an earpiece and have to make love without it falling out - including changing positions and giving oral. Playable with or without sexy 'penalties.'

There was even one about wearing earplugs! Everyone knows you can heighten sound and touch by blindfolding, but almost no one thinks about trying earplugs to block out sound from your steamy passion. Nice idea to heighten touch and visual sense and create a totally new experience. I was also surprised to discover that some of these items can be used to make men last longer and even an item that makes some adventurous positions possible. Nice addition!

So as you can see, this book actually has some fantastic and exciting ideas you can use to spice up any lovemaking, no matter how fiery it already is. Best of all, because sex toys are so expensive, you'll save lots of money(and lots of embarrassment) by using the items you already have around the house. Were there any downsides? Yes. The book could have had a few more ideas, considering you won't like all of them(no one will like all of them) but there are definitely enough to keep you very happy.

Bar advice. All in all, this is a great resource that you'll wonder how you did without. Whether you want to add more fire, perform better in bed or just have more fun, you'll find many tips and ideas to make it happen. 

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Social Network Sites

I am really thrown back at some of the people that join the social network sites, especially the women. I've seen on several sites, including Facebook, Hi 5, Tagged, My Space, Friendster and more, where they use the phrase "in a relationship" for their status. Some are provided as options on the site and some are typed in. Either way, it is loosely used.

Now why place that there and then start flirting with everyone? Some women even add sexy photos of themselves. Guys add photos of their body tattoos or abs and such. The fact that they state they are already in a relationship, and most probably are, then do everything that would piss off the person they are involved with who will be looking at their page as well, is just mind blowing. Best part, some encourage their partners by supporting the behaiviour as long as the status shows they are involved with someone.

Now a lot of conversations are posted on the sites for everyone to read, except personal messages of course, and when someone adds their view or states something inappropriate or just doesn't seem to fit into the other persons social circle; all hell can break loose. It seems everyone will jump on board to help criticize or pound the offender into the ground.

An example I saw would be where a girl uploaded a few photos of herself in a bikini. She looked great and her best "asset" was her fabulous breast and the cleavage. Now of course you'll get a few friends comment on them and that includes strangers that make semi decent ones as well. The thread was pretty long as she had a lot of friends(with assets like that who wouldn't), however, when one guy added a remark that he wish he could "bang" her, it became ugly. Suddenly one guy after another started to mention the guy's comment was inappropriate, not a nice thing to say, was an asshole, this and that. I'm sure you get the point.

Same thing similar happened also with a guy posting a pic of himself and comments that came in were good and bad. In his case other guys stated things like how he thought he was handsome, he was trying to attract another man's girlfriend and had no real substance and vulgarity became part of the whole thing. Even some girls added dislike to the guy and viciously voiced it in their comments. Oddly, a lot of them just weren't really interested in the string of comments but just threw their two cents worth to condemn the person.

Now the way I look at this is, firstly, it happens more so to singles that actual married people. So that tells me there are people looking for others and really trying to connect. Of course you have your perverts and hookers trying to see who, if they can, capitalize on any action. You also get some, actually plenty, of fake profiles but that doesn't stop them from making comments if they fancy or dislike someone. It seems people will say some weird stuff sometimes. Some want the attention and welcome everything and everybody just so they have a pile of friends that in real life falls short of how people truly perceive them.

I'm sure you've also seen things like this if you're in any of the social networks. Maybe you're one of the free for all condemning players as well. I think some guys tend to come to the "rescue" of the girls due to their own plan of trying to be Mr. Nice guy in the hopes of gaining favour in her eyes. They believe she will respond to them in a closer way, at least online for the start, and other possibilities in future. They also want other girls to see that they are a better person than others. This of course is the false front in their feeble attempt to become the "hero" in a situation where they are seen in a good light by everyone especially the girls.


Women also do this similarly but they are not as aggressive in their attempt but the ones that are not so good looking tend to make bolder statements in an attempt to shine more light on their intellect, conversational skills and trying to be more interesting so they can throw the guys scent off how their looks. In reality they are looking but modesty holds them back from really saying that the guy online is someone they will jump in the sack with, irregardless of their relationship status, but they can't and won't. Just leaving the thoughts of possibilities.

A lot of quarrels, squabbles and major break ups happen because of all this and everyone sees online and wants to be part of it, even if they make the problem happen in the first place. A lot of people are really to blame for the problem starting in the first place as a lot of them like the comments being made about themselves in photos and the flirting that takes place even though they know they are attached. Funny thing is, especially a for lot of girls when they do break up, will fully announce they are back looking, are free and available, back in the game, ready for a new beginning, on a fresh outlook at life and any other line they can think of to publicize their newly derived single status. Basically, they want the chase to begin again. Some sites, like Facebook, actually help make the announcement when you change anything on the page and that includes you status.

Bar Advice. Overall all these sites draw the good and the bad that happens in people's personal lives ......and we let it.