Strawberry to daiquiri

There's a huge difference in people who seem to look for the same thing but want it differently. I'm referring to the many single people that are out there that just don't seem to be able to meet the right guy or really know what they want.

For some, because they are still young, it's not yet a problem. Funny thing is when they get older the panic button starts to be pushed and I don't just mean by the individual themselves but by friends, mothers, fathers and even siblings try to fix them up. A younger person is like a strawberry. All plum and nice, very colourful, sweet and ripe to be plucked. The older people, well, they're like a daiquiri that you need before lunch time. Something you need to have to make you numb to get through the day.

Now you probably have to work and all your colleagues are either talking about their husbands or their boyfriends during the lunch hour. You got to listen to all those romantic sloppy details while remembering that you were in bed with a book and your reading glasses the night before. Then there's the fact that your mother is calling you at work and telling you that she just met a neighbours cousins friends daughter who seems to be a good match for you. You make an excuse and try to hush and hurry off the phone so you don't have to listen to her and pretend you were busy at work.

When you get home your dad is feeling sorry for you and he's worried for you at the same time. He'll try a fatherly approach while you put on a brave face to hear the never ending same old story. He may even encourage you do the online dating thing. Your brother or sister, which is much younger, is pissing you off because they hog the phone with their love interest and when you get angry with them they just rub salt in the wound by teasing about yourself being single and bitter or worse jealous.

The truth is the people that are in this category are between 32 to 45 for women and 38 to 50 for men. During this particular age they lie to themselves that everything will be alright so they can seek comfort within themselves and not show others that they are a little scared that they'll never find the right person or ever get hitched. For some they never will but others try desperately to still find someone. Nothing wrong to seek out a glimmer of hope but if you've put such a high wall or barrier up that no one can climb or even view whats on the other side, how is it going to work?

You're no longer the colourful, youthful or even fruitful strawberry. What you bring to a relationship is not the same as if you were in your twenties. You may still see, through your eyes, life and everybody and things like you are in your twenties but you're only kidding yourself if you think others see you like that. There must be a change in attitude and thinking if you're going to have any hope of being with someone. Certain criteria and standards may have to be altered. Don't forget that the person you meet will have to do the same. They too may have had certain expectations of the other but their downfall was never having anyone actually meet those expectations. That's why they're in the same boat as you and in that boat there seems to be only one oar that when paddled just makes you move in unending circles.

If only those expectations can be filtered a little or some dropped all together. You will find that you may just meet someone that's been searching just as hard as you. So what if she's a little shorter, he's a bit balding, she's slightly over weight, his teeth are not so straight, her chest is too flat, he had seven girlfriends or she's not a virgin? Right now you're all sipping that daiquiri and hoping to drown away that pain of not being appreciated or being lonely at times.

Just imagine someone that you can confide in. Someone you can tell a secret to. Joke with or talk to about matters of interest. This person makes your heart feel joy each time you see them or talk to them. Maybe a holiday together to be a little more intimate. This person can be your best friend as well as your lover. You've been so introverted because you thought you had no hope so explode out all those feelings. You will feel greater joy in life itself. You'll look to the heavens and wonder what prayers you said that let God send you this saving grace of an individual that can fill that void that was there before.

Bar advice. Never give up hope but make changes. Everyone including yourself needs love and acceptance will make you, and I stress you, a happier person. You both may just start having a strawberry daiquiri together.

Being unsure

Recently I had this girl, Mindy(not real name), come to the bar. She works nearby in a restaurant at the same area. She's been to the bar several times already. Firstly coming with a colleague but now with a new boyfriend.

As we got to talking about different things, she looked troubled so I queried her as to what was wrong. It turned out to be a little bit of a relationship issue. It wasn't so much of things going bad but she added that it was partly due to her own character flaws that added fuel to the fire. I recently checked her Pig/Capricorn zodiac signs and found this about her.

This mix creates a being of infinite talent and aspirations to match. The sky is the limit. Capricorn/Pigs never see themselves as less than monstrously famous and hugely wealthy. These folks are grandeur specialists, whose personal goals of cosmic proportions don't stand in the way of their equally epic egos. There is, in the Capricorn/Pig makeup, a certain refreshing purity of desire. No Capricorn/Pig ever underestimates him or herself. Some claim that such a clearheaded attitude toward blatant self-seeking ambition is healthy. This person undertakes vast artistic projects and gives generously to cultural institutions. The Capricorn/Pig is a faithful and passionate lover. But he or she is also a smothering one. Possessive is a mild word to describe how they cling to the object of their desire. Scenes. Rows. Rages. Fits. They don't get angry often, but when they do, run for your life.

Looking at this tells me that it may be a problem of wanting to be with the person so much and clinging on that the partner feels there's no room to breath. What's the normal reaction of someone drowning and trying to get to the surface for air? After the feeling of relief from the fresh air, they want to get the hell out of the water as quick as possible. The trouble free feeling sets in and they're glad that it's all over. The fact that she may from time to time have a row or be angry with the other and often in public, can be a real put off for anyone.

As the conversation deepen we went into the topic about her sex life, which she initially did not want to comment, and asked if they were doing anything. She laughed and told me no. Just some kissing, touching and petting. She did not want to awnser me when I asked if she was still a virgin. Telling me that it was personal. That may be true but I found that she seemed very naive and at times could be gullible to things that people tell her or to things that she doesn't know about. When I first met her she was wearing braces and at the age of twenty five seem to make her look like a kid. Now with this new guy, the braces are off and she's doing herself up more that shows her feminine side even more.

I look at it as a girl evolving into a woman. Not quite there yet. She is petite but pretty. Looking for love. Wanting to have carear, a man, parents approval, good friends, money, security, joy, fulfillment and so on. Basically he world. Who doesn't? The thing is we must not be naive to the world around us or be gullible when people tell us things because we are not exposed enough. Nobody wants to be alone. If you're willing to settle for less than what you deserve then accept all the flaws that you have and the person you're with. If you want more of everything then be willing to accept that your partner is not perfect. You can't always get what you want and the world doesn't work the way that we all want. In short, we're only human.

I hope that she comes around to see me again. I really do like her. I want to help her and in fact told her to read this blog to get some insights about relationships or source out the info elsewhere. I look at this young, petite, pretty and sweet girl and think that any guy would be lucky to have her, yet, she may end up being her worse enemy by not being able to change and adapt herself to others, surroundings, and her relationships.

Bar advice. Some people need others to tell them things about themselves that they don't see about themselves. Seeing you own shortcomings or discussing them can be intimidating but being open to help from friends improves things.