Showing posts with label honeymoon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label honeymoon. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Happily ever after

In fairy tales we have all heard the words, 'and they lived happily ever after'. well nobody really does, do they? Even the rich can't say that. Remember, more money more problems.

I have seen the pain people experience after the honeymoon is over, when they awaken realizing they have married a mere mortal. I hope people that enter adulthood, will avoid the pitfalls and pain of those who succumb to this "happily ever after" myth. here's a couple of key points for real lasting love.

1. Stop blaming. Start living.
It is our responsibility, and not our partner's, to feel better and to heal. Our partner will be responsible to us, but not for us. So it's useful, instead of blaming our partner, to ask ourselves these two questions, "Why did I draw this person into my life?” and “What is it that I need to learn from this?” Within a good marriage, we grow up.

2. Avoid the fixer-upper syndrome.
We think we can fix our partner and shape them into perfection. Our version of perfection. So many people marry for potential. Never marry potential. Marry for safety, the safety between two people who accept one another faults and all.

3. Make a promise to keep our integrity.
Do not hold onto victim hood like a prize. This doesn't allow us to grow. Work on behaviors that make our partner want to change by being kind and loving. Vent our feelings, without being out of control. If we are in a relationship that does not have mutual respect, over time we may need professional help. Preferably, we would seek that help with our partner.

4. Eliminate attack thoughts.
These types of thoughts are incredibly destructive over time. If we attack other people, ourselves and our thoughts, it really interferes with our happiness and peace of mind.Learn to find the joy, even in difficult times. As Mother Theresa once said, "Our best protection is a joyful heart."

5. Do not hold onto anger.
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Turn attack thoughts into constructive thoughts and actions. Think thoughts that are appreciative of ourselves and our partner. And express those thoughts often. When we build an emotional bank account full of positive thoughts, we have positive emotional currency to counter with when angry times come.

6. Wake up, without makeup.
On soap operas I’ve seen women wake up first thing in the morning with all their makeup on, false eyelashes and all. That is not the real world. What women need to do for a successful marriage is to learn to be more and more real. What woman need to do for a successful marriage is learn to feel more and more safe to be who we truly are. Men have to realize that beauty is more than skin deep. If she can remove her make up in front of you then you are special to her.

7. Wake up and make up.
It is essential that couples learn to repair and heal after every fight. Find solutions. Do not get stuck rehashing the past. Live in the present, and find ways to keep the marriage buoyant and alive. Happy couples learn how to repair differences. Best thing really is try to never go to bed angry.

8. To change our relationship.
The place to start is with changing ourselves first. Better to reinvent ourselves, because we are not going to be able to change our partner. Learn to love in a mature way without trying to control or manipulate. C.S. Lewis once said, "To love without control or manipulation is to be surprised by joy." We will truly be surprised by joy when we can live in the moment with our partner. And within ourselves.

Bar advice. Remember that before you met your partner he or she had their own life, dreams, hopes, joy, sadness, shortcomings, downfalls, work, business, dilemmas, pains, loss of love ones, happiness, etc. what I'm getting at is you had the same as well. Now when two people are together they should work at it to have the feel of 'happily ever after'.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Relationship troubles

Remember when you thought you met the mate of your dreams? You couldn't stop thinking about her/him. The sun shone more brightly. Love songs on the radio seemed like they were written just for the two of you. You loved doing things to please this person. You would sit around for hours talking about anything and laughing about the same things. Maybe at times it seemed like you knew exactly what they were thinking; you were totally in sync. Everything seemed to fit so perfectly.

But after a while the honeymoon stage seems to wear off. You might wake up one day and think, is this all there is? Have we grown apart or become different people? Maybe you have wondered if you're even in love anymore of if your mate still loves you. Maybe you have found that you have many conflicting ideas about the important things, like finances, child rearing, sex, careers and the list could go on and on.

We get so busy with our jobs, families, paying bills and all of the mundane activities of every day life. Maybe you find out the two of you were not as in sync as you might have thought. Over fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. What may have seemed like small potatoes when you first got together could have a way of becoming catastrophic and what seems to be unbearable later on.

Relationships can be very trying misunderstandings, hurt feelings, betrayal, and loneliness are things that should not be swept under the rug. It's so easy for people to say, you need to communicate with your mate. Who doesn't know that? The problem for many is, how? How do you mend all the broken fences? How do you express what's really going on inside of you? How do you get your mate to open up and share his or her feelings with you?

Bar advice.Before you throw in the towel, there are some things you should know. There are ways to learn to communicate and handle situations effectively. You may be amazed at the difference it can make in a relationship when issues are approached the right way. If you already have a great relationship, there are ways it can even be better! Remember there is a lot of ways of getting help. through books,ebooks, Internet,even doctors and counsellors. Just reading this blog may have help you already.