Picking up the pieces

I recently met this guy at a bar and we were talking about work and problems in the world. Even the weather, of all things, because that's no longer a subject of convenience since we're battling global warming and it effects everyone. There's also the natural disasters that occur but we ended up talking about his personal disasters.

He seemed like a nice guy so I asked him to tell me about the problem. He went on about how he met his girlfriend, what they did and all that. It dragged on a bit but he insisted to tell me the story with more details thinking that I wouldn't understand if he didn't. Lot of graphical descriptions were added as well. He bought me a beer so I had to go through it but I knew that it would be therapeutically for him to just release what was bottled up inside.

It seemed that the the girl and him had been going out for about a year. Their in the mid twenties and having fun and both are working as well. The got decent blue collar jobs but recently the girl got a bit of a promotion. It seems that the boss had taken a liking to her. It all started at her company dinner and dance and she brought him but everyone assumed that she was unattached. I asked him why that was. He said, as the night went on, he found out later from her colleague that she was really carefree at work. Flirted with all the guys at work. Dressed quite seductively at times and was very forthright with guys. It seems that she was having two lives and keeping secrets from him. Before I could ask another question he interupted me and told me to wait till the story had ended.

The worse was yet to come. He told me that she was suppose to go to a company barbecue on one of the weekends and he couldn't come but in truth she had spent the weekend with her direct boss at a hotel. The same colleague, whom he got the number from, told him because he wanted an inside source and promised not to reveal names. They had a heated argument and it seems she denied everything. They argued for days over the phone and on several meetings. He told me he was hurt that they never slept together but she went with someone else and now they had broken up. His hand raise to halt me from asking questions. So I let him continue.

Then he goes on to tell me the colleague and himself were still in contact after that and the person happened to be female. They started talking on the phone for hours on end on a daily basis. Him pouring his feelings out to her about his broken heart and she trying to console him. Then he says they started going out and when it came to Christmas, they got a room. Sometime after they had made love and still in the nude, the door bell rang. She answered it and let in the guest but immediately went to the bathroom. The guy was shocked to see his ex-girlfriend there. The ex was stunned to see him with her colleague.

The girl emerged from the bathroom, all dressed, and shouted at his ex for being too friendly with the guy she really liked. The boss. She also accused her of getting the promotion by unscrupulous means. She revealed that she planned all of it from the start and how she injected stories and false information into his mind about his ex-girlfriend so she could hurt her the same way. She left after a bit more words.

The ex-girlfriend cried after that and as she looked at him she asked why he didn't trust her or believe her in the first place. Their relationship had been destroyed and what he did in the hotel room with the girl was the last nail in the coffin. She felt he was forever dead to her. She left crying and he was left to contemplate what had happened over all that time. What was happening to his life and why he mistrusted his girl in the first place? Will he be able to go picking up the pieces in his life?

Bar advice. Things like this do happen in real life and not only in movies. Sympathy for this guy is normal but I advised him certain things that I won't write here. Just be a witness to his story and learn.

What if she has a boyfriend?

A lot of guys ask this, "What if she tells me she has a boyfriend?"

The fact is, most beautiful women have a boyfriend most of the time. If men are like spiders trying to catch as many women into their web as they can, women are like swinging tree-monkeys, swinging from boyfriend to boyfriend but never letting go of the first without having a second lined up to grab onto. So you can't just ignore women with boyfriends or you'll severely limit your options.

Most of the time if a girl says she has a boyfriend just ignore it and keep gaming her like normal. Usually, the girl will come around. By the way, the worst thing you can do is let it stop you dead in your tracks, the girl is testing you to see if you're a wuss. Guys got to learn that women like the chase. It's the thrill of the guys attention and pursuit that also triggers desire in her.

One technique to use is a "boyfriend destroyer". A boyfriend destroyer is especially effective if her boyfriend is not meeting her core values and she's looking to leave him anyway and just needs an extra nudge out. This is a way of rooting out the bad her boyfriend has done and making her want to dump him even more. Ask her about why she feels for him still even if he's not making her happy. She'll rattle on about things he didn't do or times he hurt her. Just nod and agree and eventually change the subject because you don't want to let the negative feelings fall on to you because at that moment all men will seem like scum to her.

Another way is to ask a girl what her boyfriend is like. You got to do this in a casual conversation. She'll of course start telling you all about him. You'll probably get the juicy details about how nice he is and such but try to find out what she doesn't like about him or the things he does that drives her up the wall. Why are you so interested in her boyfriend? You're not, what you're doing is gathering information on things she likes and dislikes about a man. She is volunteering this without her even knowing it. You may be able to put some moves on her but slowly because she's still with another guy. Find ways to hint that you like her of sorts. Maybe get her number.

One thing is that some girls are just ga-ga over their boyfriends. Those guys can't do anything wrong even if it was done in front of her. These girls, you can forget about. She loves him and there will be no hope of them splitting up. He will be forgiven for all wrongs so cutting in is near impossible. Sometimes you got to bow out of the scene and take centre stage elsewhere.

Bar advice. Not to say that it's good to take another guys girlfriend but if you like someone, go get her. Advice here is remember this. Other guys may just do the same to your girlfriend against you with this same tactic.

Girl. Guy and mother-in-law to be

This trio came to the bar and actually sat at the counter and begin talking about what was happening with their lives. They were there several hours and as they had more to drink, they also had more to say.

What would a guy say to his potential mother-in-law in front of his girlfriend? Of course he's going to be nice and all that. Do you think he's actually going to show a side that's going to have the girl's mother worried. The mother had come from Dubai where she staying with her husband who works there. They're all actually from England and her daughter called her over for a week.

I must admit that the mother seemed like a really nice, fun filled, adventurous and independent person. She is 53. Later I learnt that she had remarried after a divorce. This all came about after I talked to them about their horoscopes and Chinese zodiac signs. The guy didn't seem all that happy when I got to him and what his characteristics was like. That's because he's born in the tiger year and these guys can be very quiet but very aggressive when confronted of angered. He didn't like my advice to his girl either except the part when I said that they were actually quite suitable. The only problem they had was their horoscopes being the same.

As the night went on late, he started to flirt with the mother by saying things that bounced off my generalization of her. Things like the fact that the mother, although older, still had a fiery zest in life. Happy and desirable still to any man that walked into the place. He started picking up on these things and made remarks, jestingly in front of his girlfriend. I sensed that he was just trying to score points with her to get her to know and like him better.

No harm in that. However, when having a debate about something his girlfriend asked hypothetically, he lost it there and then because the mother was in support of her daughter and even I could tell that she thought he was wrong in certain things that was said. He seemed to give the impression that respect and loyalty were of the utmost importance. Love just fit in there. Also, he got upset about her pointing out that he gets upset when other guys talk to her and it's fine when he does it. It became all messy and frustrating. Thank goodness I played some nice tunes and both mother and daughter took to dancing for a while. Things settled down after that. They all left later. Huge bill and pissed.

Bar advice. Never talk or criticize about someone in front of another if you can't accept the naked truth about yourself either. We all got our flaws and shortcomings.

A girl walks into a bar

A girl walks into a bar and normally the heads of guys turn to see the sway of her walk. The hips, hair, shape, curves and whatever else they imagined for that short seconds it took her to get to a seat.

What were they thinking. Well in their lives they are or aren't in a relationship themselves. Those that approach her are trying their luck. Others just want to see if they still got what it takes even if their married. Some may want to have a "quicky" so they make the attempt as well. Let's just really look at at what a relationship really is. Lot's of people are possibly in one or more of these types of relationships.

Prostitution(pay for sex)
One night stands
Friends with privileges
Dating with casual sex
Lovers only(no commitments)
Arrangements (You take care of me, I'll take care of you)
Multiple Lovers
Swinging
Homosexual
Lesbian
Work/office sex
Affairs(cheating on someone)
Girlfriend/Boyfriend
Living together
Separated
Married
Divorce

Most people think that when they're with someone it's a relationship but the truth is we're all in a relationship with someone. Which category or categories are you in? When you're with someone a relationship is just how you "relate" with that person. Is it casual? Serious? Fooling around? Nothing that will break their heart or be dangerous? Abusive?

A lot of us relate to the word rather than to the true picture of who we relate to in a relationship. All those stated above can still have more added but it already gives you the sense that we may not realize the position we are in and sometimes it's too late. If all is well then you're doing something right but if it's not, what do you do? At times we sabotage what could be good for us.

Bar advice. Most people don't see the problem or cannot relate to people and situations that don't interfere in their lives. Sometimes it's becomes too late.