Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Social spheres

Guys, memorizing a few common openers when meeting girls and being prepared builds some confidence to "just do it" for those who constantly hesitate and, in doing so, their results will improve because they are at least doing something whereas before they did nothing. Hence, the perception of better results based on material when, in fact, at least for the beginner, the bigger impact comes from taking action versus not taking action.

Once you get over this hump and approaching girls are no longer issues, you will begin to feel the need to have a natural context for normal conversations to take place. When approaching women you need to focus on getting under the radar to get "in' faster and easier than what might otherwise be perceived as a "pickup". You may wonder why this is important. It is a subtlety that you won't hear about often because it requires the person to explain social context, especially the context of a typical woman's world and thought process. Most women who aren't normally promiscuous, especially when they're younger, see the world of meeting men as; through friends, being introduced or waiting until they are approached.

Still, even when a man approaches her, in the back of her mind she will later have to describe to her girlfriends and immediate social network how she met him. She does not want to be perceived as promiscuous(even if she is) and she, like many women, will need to feel validated. Unlike most men, most women know they can get just about any man to sleep with them if they just simply offer. It's the truth! This, however, is not the goal for them. The primary goal is to find a man who they are interested in, but there is a lot of pressure to also meet him through established "social spheres". Let's review some places of intimacy or familiarity that would meet, within a woman's social context or the notion of a "social sphere" that meets approval would be.
* Met at a respectable vacation resort
* Met at a location of mutual interest(museum, concert, etc)
* Met at a social club event(painting class, pottery, etc)
* Met at a private party(wedding, celebration, holiday, etc)
* Have a mutual friend(better still a parents friend)
* Involved in mutual activity (volunteering, hobby)
* Go to same school(university, management, etc)
* Work at same company(co-worker or client)

In contrast, those situations women will feel their friends,family, or co-workers might look upon negatively.
* Happen to be in same place, no context
* Met on the Internet
* Met in a bar or club
* Met on the street
* Met at random but common location (store, elevator,etc)

For women, at least if anything more than a secret fling is to occur, the means in which they meet must match their notion(and their friends' notions) of "social sphere". That is not to say the places that will have negative approval cannot be construed to be within a "social sphere" context. Only that upon initial reflection how such situations will be seen. I'll explain in a moment.

Guys, put yourself in places and situations where the women you meet will not hesitate based on a context that people they know will not look upon negatively. It's easier to meet women from within the context of social spheres or mutual interests than walking up to them as a literal stranger. The point here is to explain 'why' this is the case and with the knowledge of 'why' we can now get to the good stuff. How to still succeed in places and situations that would normally be stacked against you!

It is possible to get past context issues by playing with subtlety. Imagine approaching women within their social spheres as a "hot" approach and approaching her outside those circles as a"cold" approach. Then the way you look at this is to find an avenue for a middle ground to turn "cold" approaches into "warm" ones. You can also see warm approaches as possibly more positive for her because they allow her to pursue a relationship that, if doesn't go well, won't put the structure of her established social sphere into chaos. For example, if you meet a woman in a bookstore, you must find common ground of familiarity(same book section) and context to allow for what could be perceived as "social sphere". You can even bend the laws of logic to do so! So long as you can achieve attraction in the interaction. Context issues will not be a problem if you can have her perceive the meeting to be at least peripherally within her perception of her social sphere.

A girl in the foreign language section of the bookstore might be interested to learn a new language. For the context of that approach, so are you. That is your subtle context but that's not enough. There must be familiarity with something in the environment. In terms of conversation and interaction, this would be known as "rapport", but in terms of initiating to meet someone, it would be a shared element of the environment or a shared observation. In addition, opening this way allows you to quickly find a context of familiarity and rapport but, and this is a big but, you must not chase the rapport, but rather allow it to come about on its own through your lead.

With this style of warm approach, you utilize an observation of the environment around her to create your opener and deepen the connection to her social sphere by connecting the overall environment to a mutual interest or lifestyle or common connection. You may not come up with the greatest of openers your first few times but getting the swing of this style of approach actually gets you in deeper from the start. You must work on your powers of observation. To get you started, here is a list of things in her environment you can take notice of.
*Where you both are
*Something she is looking at
*Something she is wearing or using
*Something interesting in front of her
*Music which may be playing in the background
*Someone on TV(if there's one nearby)
*Some occasion in the country(national holiday, etc)

Once opened, pinpoint a common ground for you and her and during conversation reinforce(interpret) how this common ground connects the both of you and continue with the attraction skills that you know best. Remember that you are just getting to know someone that will be weary of you, your approach, your intentions and may have been hurt in the past. Take it slow guys. You need to breath as well.

Bar advice. The women also are assessing you so don't expect all doors to be opened. It doesn't work that way.

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