Tuesday, March 25, 2008


At first, you dream of her. Then you see her across the room. You know immediately that you have to have her. You meet, and you make a brilliantly sexy connection. you date some time. Then she wants you to wait three months. It seems perfectly ridiculous. Who are you kidding? Neither of you are virginal. So how long is too long to wait and is it really worth it in the end? No matter how hot she seemed at first, will abstinence really make the heart fonder and the sex hotter?

To gauge woman’s sexual vibes is always challenging when you first meet. Some women send out ridiculously strong sexual signals, sometimes without even recognizing their strength. Other women make an effort to lure you in with their sex appeal, and then expect you to make the rest of the moves. While a certain period of harmless flirting is always necessary, its also a good idea to cut to the chase early when it comes to both of your sexual motives. As unassumingly as possible, you might ask that new sexy woman in your life what type, if any, of relationship she is after. Her answer will likely range from "none" to "I’m not sure". These are both fine answers, as neither of them close the door on a potential sexual connection. However, if at anytime in her response she mentions the word "slow", as in "I need to take things slowly", you are best prepared to expect the worse in terms of waiting for sex.

Taking things slowly differs from woman to woman in every relationship. Generally, a woman who wants to go slowly though, is speaking in terms of months, not dates. While some women’s intentions remain quite Victorian, we all know that when things get really hot and steamy, it sometimes becomes impossible to wait at all. Hopefully you have run into this type of woman. She plays hard to get but when it comes down to play time she is actually hard to get off you. In the opposite scenario, your experience will likely be less thrilling. Sure this flirty lady will engage in foreplay and test the waters a little but just when you think you are really getting somewhere, bam! She calls it off and declares that things are moving "way too fast".

So what else can this impossible woman expect from you besides abstinence (as if that’s not enough)? A woman who wants to take things "slow" in the sexual department wants you to connect with her on an emotional level, not just a physical one. I think we all regret that this means having lots of long talks, giving her lots of attention, and yes, maybe even some gifts. Sound like way too much effort? You might be right. If time spent with her is relatively enjoyable and gets you that much closer to your long term goal, then a few weeks of chivalry and foreplay will not kill you in the end. Months of abstinence, however, might be another story altogether. A woman who expects you to wait an extended period of time before sex is, in effect, suggesting that sex be used as a tool to "consummate" the relationship.

Beware of this woman as she might have much grander plans in mind, like marriage! Any woman with a healthy sex drive and a passion for life who chooses abstinence with someone as sexy as yourself is trying one of two goals. One, she is engaging in a religious practice, or two, she is husband shopping.

The truth is that when a woman decides that her next serious (i.e. sexual) relationship will be her last one, she intends to turn that serious relationship into a marriage. Don’t say we didn't warn you. The woman who wants to be "worth waiting for" has other potentially unrealistic expectations of you as well. As you might have predicted, after several long months of touching and waiting and touching and waiting some more, the build up to the big event is almost intolerable. The weight of the world is resting on both of your shoulders to make this all worth waiting for. Can it really turn out as well as you both hope and expect? Not likely. Remember that it is hard to recover from a flawed or failed first attempt at sexual intimacy. In the end, it may be better to hurry up and get the first time over with, so that you can get on with the practicing and really getting to know each other in the bedroom.

There are only a few real benefits to waiting weeks or months before having sex. First of all, as you might imagine, the waiting adds an exciting level of suspense to the relationship. You know you both want to and you are both dying to find out what the other will be like but you are so into each other that you already know that it will be great. This can be an absolutely dreamy period of time in a relationship. On the total opposite chance that you begin to lose interest in a woman as you get to know her, then it will be much easier to break up with her if you have not engaged in intercourse. In the right relationship, abstinence might make you fonder of each other and strengthen your sexual relationship down the road. However, this is generally the exception rather than the rule.

If this is the sexy lady for you, then go ahead and distract yourself for a few months, and wait for her to come around but if the waiting is making you more upset and frustrated than happy to be with her at all, then the delayed enjoyment of sex with this woman will probably not be worth investing you time into. Don't get me wrong, some guys can wait and one reason is because they are also lacking in intimacy due to experience. They're not sure how it all works too so they dare not push forward and are content to wait it out. Their lack of relationships earlier in life brings them to this point. The abstinence on the part of the woman may also come from this reason at times. It's different with everybody generally.

Bar advice. Meeting the 'right person' may be a high factor in breaking the abstinence period but communicating about your sexual fears and doubts may surprisingly clear theirs as well and abstinence may never arise.

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