Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Verbal abuse

A guy that lives around my neighbourhood is always making his wife feel like shit. He always has some form of verbal abuse toward her. They can be in a coffee shop and he'll be talking loudly and putting her down so others can hear. In the shops buying things and he'll raise his voice to make it seem like she's either spending too much of his money again or he'll make her look stupid like she doesn't know which brand item to buy. He's never embarrassed that everyone will be looking and continues till they reach home or till he's satisfied.

People like this may or may not know that they abuse their partners and it can be classified as a medical problem but I believe that it starts from young. How you were raised? What your parents, family members or teachers thought you and how you were disciplined.

These are people that want to be in a superior position at all times and make sure that everyone knows that they are the head of the household. They feel that if they allow anyone to talk back, interrupt them, debate or even tell them off; they'll be disrespected. They cannot accept this and thus will rule their domain and all in it with an iron fist. The relationship to them is something sealed and cannot be broken and they believe this permits them to do as they please. Say as the please. Ridicule and embarrass as they please.

There are also those that abuse with physical violence. Most of the time the violence will be inside the home as they don't want others to see it and there will not be any proof if the law is called. Verbal abuse in and outside the home tends to be at all times as it is not against the law. The verbal abuse can sometimes be so demeaning or highly embarrassing that the woman knows not where to face when she's in public. Every direction she turns will have a face staring back at her but none able to rescue. What does she do? Only to look downwards to the ground but that normally entails the abuser to get more angry and abusive because he wants her to be embarrassed. He wants her face to be seen by others. He just wants to "put her in her place" for no rhyme or reason whatsoever.

He flaunts his "power" over her and he also wants others to see it. When he's alone and in public, he's "Mr nice guy" with everyone. The worst thing is that everyone thinks he is since they have not seen his abuse or any of that behavior. They will accept him as someone that's normal in society. Question is, why can he not be like this towards his partner? Lots of times this abuse also extends toward the children and he uses them to inflict harm onto his wife more so because the tendency is she will be protecting them against any abuse.

We also should look at women that abuse their husbands. It's a true fact. Although there are far fewer cases but it does exist. Laugh if you like but there are women out there that make their husbands look like complete idiots or puppets. They "mother" them and do things that embarrass them in public as well. This tends to be in places like supermarkets and restaurants. Worse place will be at family get togethers like holidays or birthdays. They let everyone know that their man is hen pecked. He's got to bite his lip and accept it. They don't accept any "back talk" either. There's "hell" to pay if she gets she doesn't get her way. She wants all the other women, and men, to see that she's in charge. She's the one that wears the pants in the family. What she says goes in her household.

All these people seem to have a power struggle problem. They accuse, are possessive, jealous and insinuate things so as to create issues and cause these relationship problems and abuse. They can never allow anyone to have a moments peace. These people need this sort of things to feel alive. They may have been abused as a child themselves or never received the proper discipline when they were young. Also, it could be due to them being punished too harshly as a kid or they had fears that causes them to act in this manner. These fears are psychological and is deep within and it's exerted verbally or physically to people that they love. There are so many medical reasons that can be added but I still firmly believe that it all starts from a young age and is adopted so.

Living with people like this can be hard and painful. Sometimes it's best to get family members involved so everyone can assist. Domestic violence and abuse is difficult for everyone to confront. An intervention of this nature can backfire with violence from the abuser on everyone but it may be necessary. One should always report the abuse to the police. Separation may be necessary. What ultimate decision can later be attained. Moving out is one of the better options and divorce, after much consideration may be needed if there's irreconcilable differences.

Those in single relationships facing such problems should tell someone about it in case things escalate to serious difficulties. Trying to solve the problem is amicable but it's not an overnight result type deal. The abuser didn't get that way in a day. There may be deeper issues that even takes psychiatrist years to uncover or resolve. Don't go thinking that your love can change the person. You're in for a rude shock. In most cases the abuse only start when they are settled deep into the relationship. Be alert. Be aware.

Bar advice. Stay clear if you are involved or getting involved with someone like this. If it happened once be sure it's not going to end anytime soon.

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