Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Relationship advice on break ups

After a breakup, people often take time to reflect on the dynamics of their relationship. What went wrong and why, as well as what went right. It's not uncommon for ex-partners to begin to believe the relationship is salvageable and could potentially blossom again. No one can guarantee that rekindling a relationship with an ex will work out, but there are steps you can take to greatly increase the chances. So lets see if you can increase you chances.

Ask yourself if there's still love between you and your ex? If you are certain that you're still in love and he or she still loves you, then you could try to reestablish a successful relationship. If you aren't sure whether or not you still love one another, then you probably need to take more time until you are certain. It has to work both ways, so talk to your partner about it and be careful not to confuse love with the desire for companionship and comfort. Normally after a break up you feel out of sync from the world because of the routine you had when in a relationship.

You got to overcome doubt. One or both parties already gave up on the relationship once, so what makes you think you can make it work this time around? This is the doubt you will have. Doubt can undermine your efforts. Consider the polarities. Faith on one end, and doubt on the other. If you have decided to get back together, you have faith but inevitably, there will also be doubt. The first place to start is to recognize doubt will be there. Just being aware of this will help you find the strength to let doubt subside and not rule you. This, by the way, will be felt on both sides and is also normal.

How do you face the issues? One of the most important factors in getting back together is a willingness to face the issues honestly, together and individually. The things that led you to breakup in the first place. Since it's almost impossible to change the other person, a good place to start is with you. Ask yourself how you can take responsibility for your part in the breakup. Are there ways that you could act or react differently to a problem? What part of the relationship which was not working out was your responsibility? How can you change to make your ex see that you want he relationship to work. See how it's more about you than your ex? Make a list and then talk with your partner about your part in the problem. Take responsibility and chances are they will be forthcoming with their own shortcomings.

Staying committed to the relationship is hard work. Taking the responsibility for your part in the problems is part of the healing. Reestablishing a strong foundation for the relationship comes with making a commitment to work on these problems one at a time. This will take time, and results will be slow to come, so remain consistent and persistent. Both need to commit to making changes. If you find yourselves getting stuck, consider seeking professional assistance such as couples counseling. When negotiating what needs to change in a relationship, do your best to avoid criticism and blame. Instead, focus on what your responsibility is and make sure your partner is on board with you. The worse thing is when one does not see that they are part of the problem when the relationship is on the rocks.

Bar advice. Taking someone for granted is one of the downfalls of any relationships. Ensure that the relationship has committed conversations as often as possible.

No comments: