Monday, October 29, 2007

Meeting the fairer sex

For most guys, meeting girls at clubs is difficult for them. They prefer to meet girls at bookstores, malls, coffee shops, and other daytime "low pressure" venues but meeting girls at clubs can actually be far easier than at daytime venue.

I know that can sound counter intuitive. After all, at a club you have to deal with loud music that can be difficult to talk over, distracting lights, competition from other guys, and girlfriends of the girl you want to know. Worse still, if you go alone you don't know anyone else while it looks like everyone else is having fun. It makes you stick out like a soar thumb.

Even if you go with your friends they're no help either because all they do is stand immobilized by hesitation with a beer at their chest and know next to nothing about picking up girls anyway. Has the following ever happened to you? You walk into the club, checking out how "good" it is. You walk around the entire club to check it out. You don't know anyone, and you don't have anything to do, so you walk around again checking out all the girls. You get bored. Perhaps you get a drink. You walk over to the dance floor and stare at it.

Of course, 20 other guys are also staring at the dance floor. Like a master bed in the center of a master bedroom, the dance floor commands attention. It is very hypnotic because it draws all the people to it. You nurse your beer and eventually decide to walk around the club again. Nothing happens so you decide that the club
"sucks" and then you eventually leave to find a better place.

The problem is, this kind of behavior is the exact opposite of what you should do, because by wandering around you convey certain negative information to girls that shoots down your chances before you even make an approach. When you circle around a club, women notice that you're alone. Most won't label you a "lone psycho" but they've make a mental note that you're alone and therefore lack any social value. Women give you social value by how hot the women and men you're with are.

But most guys walk around the entire club multiple times alone, collecting negative social value the entire time. Think about it. When you first walk into the club, the girls know nothing about you. You could be Justin Timberlake's best friend for all they know. This is your chance to shape their blank impression of you but what do most guys do?

They instantly go about setting a negative impression of themselves by walking around the room and staring at the dance floor. This is what all the guys who have no social value do. So then, if and when you do approach a hot girl, she lacks interest in you because she's already categorized you, all thanks to your actions. Thus, most guys give up on clubs because they're "too hard" but it's not that clubs are "too hard". It's that you're doing them all wrong.

Making clubs or bars work for you is easy. In fact, meeting hot girls at clubs is easier than at other places and you can make them work just as well as if you go with friends or if you go alone. You just have to know what to do. Here are the steps you could use.

When you first walk into the club, SMILE. A lot of women watch the door to size up the guys coming in. Remember, as you walk in your social status is a "blank slate" and you want to be immediately shaping a good first impression. Just don't grin like you shot your face with botox and can't move it.

As soon as you're in, try talking to the first available set of girls or set of girls and guys. Don't look for a lone girl, you won't find her. You'll want to talk to two girls or a guy and a girl which are much easier to find. There. It immediately looks like you have friends. It doesn't matter if the set goes particularly well other women will notice that you're with other girls. They will immediately peg you with social value because they have no idea that you've only just met these girls. Some may opt to go to the bar counter but if you can start up a conversation with someone, it's better than standing there all alone.

Avoid looking at the dance floor like the plague. The dance floor is naturally hypnotic and will naturally draw you in. I know the girls are there but don't look at it. There is nothing there. It is an illusion. Looking at the dance floor only generates NEGATIVE social proof for you. Second, avoid walking around. You only look a like a valueless loner when you do this. Also, if you've built up any positive social proof in one corner of the club, you'll lose it all if you move to another corner. Third, avoid the noisiest areas of the club. Find the quietest area where it's easiest to talk and plant yourself there. You don't want to be yelling over ear breaking noise and most clubs do have a quiet corner or two.

Remember, you walk in with zero social proof, with a clean slate. Everything you do will either up your status or lower it. Everything you do signals women to categorize you as a "loner" or as a "sexy guy". Now the question is, how do you start talking to girls in a club situation? What are good opening lines? After all, I can tell you that you need to approach women right away, but that does you little good unless you know what to say to them. We can cover that another time.

Bar advice. Always remember that women are constantly on the prowl for a guy as well. They size you up the moment they lay eyes on you.

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