Monday, July 30, 2007

Stop fighting in the relationship

We all have quarrels and such. We say things that are harsh, hurtful and degrading to our partners. If you're married this can be due to lots of outside forces that contribute to it. Work, bills, kids and so on. Singles that fight is normally due to insecurities of loosing the partner, to possibly betrayal or cheating. Many a times it's best to get out of those relationships either because it will lead to painful break ups or divorce in the future.

How then can someone make things better. First of all you got to search inside yourself to see if you got a mature level head on your shoulders. You got to ask yourself if marriage is the path that you want right now. When searching for a partner you must have the mindset of searching for love. You also got to be ready to share your love. The main thing is your intentions.

Is your intention set upon marriage, kids, family or are you also not sure what you want? When meeting someone you got to remember that the person surely must have had other people in their lives before and you are not the first. It is highly unlikely, but not impossible, that he/she is not a virgin and may have been with several people before. This generation seems to find it easy to do these things compared to older ones. It's like a normal acceptance. So don't complain and be restrictive to the other one because you got to remember that they had a life before you came along.

Surely they must have friends, family and colleagues that they go out with. Even people that may have slept with that are still friends. Remember that if both are positive and compatable in sorting out these insecurities, only then can there be a healthy and happy relationship.

Be it single or married, what are things that can be done?

Stop Blaming
While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. take a vacation from blame for a day. Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you, keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead, the ways in which they have been kind.

Realize the price you are paying for these fights unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically. Take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Then ask, do I truly want this? Haven’t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today?

Search for happiness
Choose to be happy rather than right. This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy rather than being right. Learn other tools and techniques which will not escalate anger and make a positive relationship possible. work out difference way before the commitment of marriage. If you're not ready, what make you think you're partner is?

Self worth
Build a strong sense of self worth. The best defense against anger is feeling good about yourself. Build it and treat yourself beautifully and treat your partner beautifully as well. Let go of all that opposes this. Don't hold on to any grudges, pain, anger, suppression and so on because bottled up emotions will eventually explode to mega destructive forces.

As we have the courage to let go of anger, not only does our health improve, but soon we notice many kinds of wonderful, new people and experiences entering our lives. We attract what we focus upon. When we focus upon well-being, forgiveness and love, that is what will fill our lives. Other people will seek your wisdom and help. This will give you and your partner even greater experience and appreciation that you are not in that situation.

Bar advice. Fighting is an emotion control that is not controlled. We have to make a change in ourselves to get the other to do the same. It get you nowhere but sorrow.

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